barney rosset has passed at 89.

and it came to me that at 45, i don't know what wisdom truly is, but i know that you probably get closer if you live your years and stay open minded and somewhat clear as to the fact that you want to live an interesting and engaged life. art can figure into this. cooking can figure into this...

travel, love, spreading some positive vibes, etc, etc...

in the last writing i mentioned my focus in the studio of late. i can say that about life now...

at 45 it became clearer to me what i've always heard-

what everyone always hears: life is short-- the time goes so quickly.

yeah, i've lost a lot of time and freedom for the studio practice

of making paintings and dreaming.

fine. i didn't go into fatherhood thinking it would afford me anything

approaching time.

but if i accept that, then it's on me to make sure

that when i get in there i am working like a beast

being totally honest with myself of what i want to paint

and how i want to do it...

an artist can get lost looking over his shoulder

at galleries and sales and collectors and critics

and other artists and what he saw last week

that he wishes he had done so long ago...

don't get lost.

be honest in the studio putting that shit down.

paint what you need to, write what you need to

and don't take on the bullshit

that anyone else might want you to take on.

don't waste your time. get up early and work out.

get home and put the coffee on and make it strong

and do whatever it is that needs doing.

eat good cuts of meat and eat as clean as you can

while still enjoying the process and sipping your vodka

or wine or cold fuckin lager. take care of family and friends--

they need you or they wouldn't be there to begin with.

read good literature. or if not good literature

read what is interesting to you regarding this voyage we are on--

don't waste the awesome power of your eyes on garbage... draw. often.

don't waste too much of your precious energy on politics--

everything is pre-decided, it's a dead circle and really--

it spins with or without you...

travel when you can. get out there... somehow.

this is probably not wisdom that came to me

having lived the life i've lived...

these are just my thoughts

coming out while my baby sleeps- hence the fevered expression.

my dear friend, paul chambers, used to stand in front of the mirror

in the locker room of the club where we taught tennis,

looking at himself, having stepped out from the shower-

convinced of his beauty.

he spent a lot of time in front of that mirror...

when we'd meet some dude in a SoHo bar

(and we always met people- women for sure,

but, being an aussie, paul would start talking to anyone),

he'd introduce himself thusly:

"i'm paul, i play tennis and fuck models..."

i kid you not.

and then he'd buy the drinks for everyone.

once, when he picked me up from my stanton street sublet

in his 930 turbo, he took the time to drive 12 or 13 kids from the projects

1 at a time around the neighborhood...

it took him well over an hour. he loved that shit.

he always said if he died the next morning he'd be happy--

he'd led the greatest life he could: he drove fast and drank hard,

charged waves and hit tennis balls like a madman.

and he fucked those models...

and when i got the word that the cancer

that took over his body killed him.

i tried to remember that.

it's taken me my life up to this point

to understand how beautiful everything is.

(i was once so young that it almost killed me.)

don't waste any time.

it's all we've got...